My slice of perfection

If the day ended right now I would be content that it was a marvelous day. It has already been quite perfect in my definition of the word. Usually, before baby life, I would still be snoozing away the morning telling the birds to stop chirping quite so loudly and so closely to my window. However now that my world includes my little bit I see things differently. Ella woke up several times last night crying out for us to hear. She must have been having bad dreams because she was asleep each time and only needed a pacifier to lull her back to sleep. Each little peep still awakens me to make sure she is okay and I don't think I really ever fall so deep into sleep. James asked me one day how I can hear her so well. It is "mommy ear" I told him. Can't explain it. There is such a different connection between mother and child. It can't be explained or put into words. It is too big. Too deep. Too intimate. Only if you too are a mother do you understand and there is no way to make it small enough for any man to digest. It must be something about having them grow with you. Ella has been out in the world for 6 months and 3 weeks. But she has been alive in me for almost 16 months. I felt her move when she was the size of some sort of fruit and played guessing games as to which part of her was making my tummy move like the lochness monster. She heard my heartbeat from inside and knew my every move. I miss being pregnant and feeling so close with her, I miss taking her with me where ever I go. So there is no way to explain the connection we have. No one can have a closer one and it makes me appreciate my mother and mother in law a little more. It is like a secret club we have joined into.
The morning started off with her talking in her crib to the world, letting us know she was awake but not necessarily needing anyone yet. She is so happy and content to explore. She wakes up with a smile and an excited jump and shake when she sees our faces. James brought her into me this morning around 7:30 and sat her tummy right on my tummy. She pushed up and smiled at me as if to say "good morning mama." Her smile is infectious, contagious, beautiful, sweet. I was exhausted from going to bed too late and getting up with her so much. I really do enjoy the time we have in the barely there morning light. It is the only time she will nurse anymore and almost the only time she will cuddle close enough and fall asleep in your arms. She is so independent and on the go already. Since I was so tired I let her lay on my stomach and watched as she climbed over me and down next to me on the bed. She laid on her tummy still and put her head down next to mine. I thought at first she was just resting and using her head to push herself back up like she does and then realized she had fallen back to sleep. This was the first time she has slept on her belly like that. I was immediately hit with two strong emotions. Sadness that she was so big to climb over me and lay next to me like that and awe, sheer wonder and appreciation, joy that she was cuddling next to me, my arm over her both of us asleep on our tummies. It was a slice of perfection. I have been lucky to experience many great joys in my life, but none compares. Crazy how many times your life begins in one lifetime. It is such an honor to see life through her eyes. When you are little you don't know better and don't really appreciate life that you have been given and all the wonderment around you. I truly believe now that you are not really alive and complete until you have experienced childhood as an adult through your own child's eyes. Again, words can not describe. As soon as James got out of the shower I motioned for him to get a picture. She opened her eyes when the light of the camera went on her but the moment I captured in my heart will be there to stay always. James talked to her and whisked her away from slumber and into giggles while he got ready for work. I decided I too must rise from the warmth and comfort of the sheets and embrace the day and what it would bring. Once James had left Ella and I made her favorite oatmeal and banana cereal, complete with a song from mommy of course! She gobbled it up as she always does and shuddered as I cleaned her face. She is so smart. She anticipates things now and knows the order in which things happen. Before I even got the washcloth to clean her she was pulling away from me. This too has changed. She used to be fine with me wiping her face, even laugh while I did. Not anymore. I have to tease her as I do it just so she stands it long enough for me to get everything.
As we were cleaning up I heard the garbage truck and realized that we had not put out the trash. So ella and I quickly ran outside and pulled the cans down as they were stopping at our house. As we were outside I saw how happy she was and decided we should take a morning walk. Possibly she would fall asleep on the ride since it was about time for her nap and we could enjoy the sunshine and cool morning weather. On our ride Ella was singing to the world. Giggling, laughing and talking as we walked through the neighborhood. If I can make her laugh my world is right. It is the only goal, or the biggest one I have each day. Make Ella laugh, make her smile. This possibly could be selfish as I see how much her laugh and smile do for me. I know though they do the same for her. She knows that I love her and I know that she loves me. Her innocence and happiness make the worst day wash away. When she cries, my heart breaks and when she laughs my heart melts. She smiles like her daddy, sleeps like her mama with the blanket pulled up over her head, and laughs all her own. She makes the world a better place just by being in it. The ripple effect she causes is astronomical. Her smile makes me happy and because of her my mood and the way I approach the world is different. Everyone she touches changes and because of that everyone they touch change. Babies make the world better. If only more people would stop and listen. As I looked at her laying in her crib after our walk finally falling asleep as she drank her bottle I thought of the song "You're gonna miss this". All the cries and the hard times, the sleepless nights and functioning on no sleep I know I will miss. Almost 7 months has flown by and I don't know how the time slipped by me so quickly. The older I get the faster the years go. I talk to my mom and share how fast the time has gone and how I can't believe how she is so big already and I see her look at me looking at my daughter. I get a glimpse of how she must feel. I know that I won't understand until I am looking at my daughter and her child, but I can get a feeling of how she must feel. It is overwhelming and sometimes just thinking of it makes my heart swell and tears spill over. As Ella fell asleep on our walk the world was quiet. Filled only with the sounds of the birds chatting, squirrels hopping by and the occasional car passing through. Perfection in its finest form. Ella is beauty and happiness personified. She is the dream I never knew I had she is the wish my heart makes.