What I love about you....

Being a mother has so many rewards and so many aches. The aches tend to be those of the heart where the strings tend to be pulled many times a day in a way that is incomprehensible to many. As I look at my daughter I am at times uncontrollably overwhelmed with happiness. Not to know it would look like I were sad, heartbroken at times. Instead it is the love I have that overspills through my tear ducts. There are so many little moments that I make a mental note that I never want to forget. Yet I know a day or week will pass and that little memory will be tucked away in some file in my brain, almost impossible to find again. That is why I need to try harder to write these down the moment after they happen or atleast the night they happen. Tonight is one of those nights. 

For dinner tonight I went out with a friend. We had a lovely time, catching up, enjoying each other's company as we always do. We shared our stories and talked well over a normal dinner time conversation as we always do. As I drove home, I was slightly saddened knowing it was 8:38, 8 minutes past Ella's bed time. I would not see her to kiss her goodnight. There was that tug, that ache I was speaking of, a moment that made me wish I could have turned back the clock, just ever so slightly. 

As I pulled into the driveway, I saw the light. The light in Ella's room was on! It was as if I was snuggling up with a blanket fresh out of the dryer. The warmth, delight, simple happiness I felt. I knew she was awake, that James had kept her up for me to see her before she went to sleep. Such a small and precious gift he was giving me. 

As I entered the family room the two of them were hiding under her blanket. Something she has grown to love to do because of her Daddy. There she was, full of smiles, naked except for a diaper, ready for bed. Her hair dangled in front of her face, with that fresh smell of watermelon, just washed silky hair. She was all ready for me to take her to her room, get her pj's on, brush teeth and read a story to. Oh well, it was a little later than usual. That is a special time I will take selfishly every time I have the chance. 

After I put on her pj's she pointed to her bookshelf so she could pick out a book or two to read. She chose two of the hardest books for me to read. "My First Born, There's No One Like You" and "Love You Forever." I literally, in the almost two years she has been alive and the almost two years we have owned those books, especially the latter, I have not read it, all the way through, or at all, to her. 

I have empathy by the mounds. Too much if you ask my husband. But I can't help seeing situations as they would be my own. 

As I choked through each story, I watched Ella drift into sleep, fight it and reopen her eyes. The stories made me think of all the things I love about Ella. All the little things, the big things, the split second moments that make more impact than a thousand pounds crashing to the ground. All my Ella moments, the ones I cherish. The ones that make it hard to imagine any other in my life. 

*I love the way you wrinkle your brow when you are intently looking at something.

*I love the way you screech with excitement as I chase you around the house or through the yard. 

*I love your obsession with the lawn mower and keys and making cars go.

*I love your stubborn independence and your fight as you assert yourself in our world together

*I love your open mouth slobber kisses and your pat pat hugs.

*I love your little language you have and secretly miss that it is being replaced by our English

*I love the two and three words that you are beginning to put together every day

*I love how you ride Duke and pretend he is a horse and how calm he stays while you do this

*I love your creativeness and how you can paint, draw and color for hours

*I love your love of books and that I see how I have instilled that love in you

*I love how you dance to any song on the radio, that you bounce your little tookus, sway your hands, raise the roof, fist bump, bob your head, stomp your feet to any beat

*I love how you scream to get our attention when Daddy and I are arguing, you still think this is funny and try to put your two cents in

*I love the way you cuddle up to me on the couch

*I love how you only want me some days, like I am your perfect match, your only one

*I love how you look as you sleep, peaceful like an angel, and in the most crazy positions imaginable

*I love your little nose, and how your eyes are "changeable" and that it makes me happy that they are blue and green like mine, just like mine

*I love your cheeks and how kissable they are, I could kiss them all day

*I love how you get annoyed when I kiss those kissable cheeks too much

*I love how brave you are and how you don't even notice the cast that is on your arm (3 more days!!)

*I love just sitting with you by the water and playing with the rocks and making splashes with you

*I love how you need me and how important I feel being your mom

*I love that you are mine forever and I am yours forever

 

You amaze me everyday miss Ella. I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.